Bathroom Etiquette

I’m sorry to say that the world we live in is in a state of extravagant ethical and moral decay…and the illustrious government and upper crust of our own US of A seems to be doing nothing about many issues facing the world today. One such problem facing our Mother Earth is the possibly cataclysmic situation involving global warming. As the planet’s average temperatures rise, impending threats to the world as we know it grow more and more ominous while the US government makes no substantial moves to thwart this very troubling trend. In addition, millions of people around the globe suffer from famine, genocide, displacement (just to name a few), while the great minds of this country sit idly by. Admittedly so, these are ample problems that are diverse and involve a wide array of stakeholders. But the principle that I am trying to illustrate is this country’s lack of action on many dilemmas, not just the global ones. Which brings me to the topic in question, and that is this country’s serious lack of bathroom etiquette training for our young people.

Allow me to illustrate my frustration. On a normal digestive day, I like to steal my morning glory ten to fifteen minutes after my morning meal. I walk in the head on a full stomach after a filling morning mastication and find a beautiful sight…a shimmering row of no less than five unoccupied stalls from which I may choose to conduct my post-banquet business. Naturally I pick the enclosure furthest from the door in the corner and take my place. I’m not sitting there for more than ten seconds (which is just enough time for me to take my phone out and begin a mass text in which I will describe in great length the size, shape, and color of my putrefaction to all of my friends) that someone walks in the door behind me and decides that out of the remaining four carrels from which to choose that he absolutely must go with the one right next to my chosen abode. Isolated incident you ask? Not in the least. I would say this is an event that occurs at least twice during the work day where I find myself swarmed by amateur community bathroom users in the urinal and toilet domains of the men’s room.

Of course I do not know the female’s feelings on the topic nor will I even make a slight attempt at understanding ovarian activities when it comes to bathroom usage because I will never have the slightest idea of what it happening in the cranium of a non-Y-chromosome-carrying homo sapien. However, whether it’s a lack of elderly male instruction (can be a father, brother, uncle, friend, stranger…whoever), male bathroom decorum is very remiss, and in my opinion is one of the most pressing issues facing America in this day and age.
Some people reading this may be asking themselves what is this bathroom etiquette this buffoon so adamantly hails as a necessary observance by the modern American? For this I will refer you to the following site for a comprehensive account of acceptable bathroom behavior: www.icbe.org/. I merely hope to spur a small contingent of observance for this disturbing phenomenon so that awareness may spread across this great nation of ours. Together we can make a difference!  ¶ 5:48 PM 0 comments